so last night i officially lost it. i've been feeling the pressure, exhaustion and stress for awhile and last night it all came together and i LOST IT. crying, yelling gibberish, hiding under my covers, etc.
truth is, i love to be busy. it feels good to be productive and i love filling my days with activities, time with friends, the bf, checking out things in the city and yes, even working. however, right now all those things are kicking my butt and there are just too many of them to keep my head above water. i have had to staff a lot of events lately - weeknights and almost every saturday since mid april. the last time i didnt have something i had to do after work was april 13 i think. GROSS!
so i made a list of things that i would like to do that would make me happy. (lists make me happy)
1. take fitness classes. i LOVE taking these challenging fitness classes. they make me feel very accomplished and you don't have to speak for the whole hour. glorious! ive been too busy lately to do them so ive been stuck on the eliptical or treadmill for a half assed work out.
2. paint pottery. i love painting pottery - specifically alone - because it's a nice quiet time activity and i get to be creative.
3. scrapbook. i have a TON of pictures and scrapbooking crap but no time to do it. it makes me very happy. i like that there is a finished product that i can enjoy over and over again.
4. go straight home from work one day. i NEVER do this. i always either have something i have to do or go to the gym. i work until 430 but i usually don't get home until 8 or after.
5. get a real massage. i go to the chiropractor almost every week and get a "body treatment" but it's not as glorious as a spa massage. i really need one and it's the ultimate relaxation for me!
6. do art. i just wrote about this. again, no time to really dive into anything right now.
7. sleep in. i haven't been able to sleep in much on the weekends like i really like to do because of work and other activities. i'm hoping i can this sunday!
8. eat junk food. i have been trying to be really good about eating and working out lately. for example, my lunch consists of chicken noodle soup, strawberries and carrots. what i really want is a hotdog and cheese fries.
9. spend the day with my man. i haven't been able to do this and it's needed!
10. have the energy to go out like a wild woman with my girlfriends! the past few weekends i've wanted to make them the best nights ever but i've just been too sleepy to stay out too terribly late!
i realize that i often don't allow myself to do the things i really want to do and get caught up in what i think i should do or need to do. hopefully things will die down and i can do the things that i've been missing out on. wish me luck!